It's compolycated

She let Pete do it. Sergio had "opened that door", as she lately had been saying to him, and she had walked right through it. And Sergio felt nausea in his gut. Nina was right. He had pushed her into it but somehow he was still unprepared. She told him in a funny way. They were dancing late Sunday night. Sergio had left Nina's apartment at noon knowing that Pete would be coming over to help her set up her new web site. The three of them had discussed the situation two weeks before and Sergio had assured everybody that he was willing to go down that road although he wasn't sure how his emotions would hold up. He had sensed that today "might be the day", so he told her, while they were dancing, that he "had done a lot breathing" during the day. He was referring to a simple technique they had discussed in a workshop on dealing with jealousy. First thing you do, before you go on examining your feelings, is to take a few very deep breaths. "You had to" she said. He looked at her puzzled for a second, then he realized that she had probably meant to say "you had good reason to...". He whispered "did something happen?". "Yes" she said, but I want you to know that "I love you", and repeated " I love YOU". "I know" he said, but he wondered, and had to remind himself that, yes, he had opened that door.

He had been "working" on her for three years. Sergio was in a three month long "poly" relationship when he met Nina. The poly arrangement was with Julie, who had a long term boyfriend. Sergio had entered the relationship with the expectation of remaining a "secondary". He met Julie only about every two weeks on Friday or Saturday. They would go out to dinner or she would cook, then they would go to bed and make love. Julie was a good lover. Sergio was not in love with her, but he enjoyed their hours together. He would usually leave the next day after a late breakfast. It was amazing to him that they could share their time together completely focused on each other, talk about her main relationship with Gary who, she thought, was probably affected by some mood disorder, then Sergio would simply leave with the promise of seeing each other in two weeks.

Sergio wanted Julie to remain in her primary relationship. He felt that without it he would have to take on that role and he wasn't ready or willing to spend more time with Julie. But it was becoming clear that Julie would have readily made the "switch". In any case she enjoyed having the attention of two men and at some point she decided that she had the chance to fulfill a fantasy of sleeping with two men.

She approached them separately about the idea, and they both agreed. They had never met before and Julie prepared a dinner for the three of them. She was a good cook, and with the good food and good wine Gary and Sergio were relaxed and friendly with each other. All three settled on the living room couch and soon, with bit of awkwardness, they started touching and kissing Julie, who remained very aware of alternating her attention equally to both. Then Gary abruptly got up without saying a word and went to bed. Sergio and Julie lingered a bit longer then they decided to go join him. Gary was lying down almost asleep, and didn't seem very keen on exerting much energy. Julie didn't seem surprised, and softly put his limpness in her mouth. Sergio positioned himself behind her, put on a condom and entered her from behind. Julie often brought up the issue of condom usage and felt ready to go without it, but Sergio was uncomfortable with the idea that he had to trust Gary's sexual health and preferred to continue his use of protection. The three, actually just Julie and Sergio, tried to find a good rhythm with her sucking and his thrusts. Sergio came with his usual intensity. He tried to time his orgasm with Gary's but it wasn't clear whether he was about to come or not. She stopped pleasuring Gary and lay on her back, offering herself. Sergio put is tongue and lips to work, and continued until she came, all while Gary was turned the other way and apparently already sleeping. Sergio settled down close to Julie so she would be in the middle. They slept cuddled together until Gary decided to get up early in the morning and said that he needed to leave. Julie and Sergio followed their usual weekend morning pattern.

Then Sergio met Nina, and everything changed.

Sergio met Nina at Tango, Argentine Tango to be precise. They had danced a few times during a whole year before the night when they realized that their "connection" had become "special". In tango the norm is a close, intimate embrace, which is normally released as soon as the song ends, and people regain their composure. That night a song ended, but Nina did not release her embrace and the two held each other in a wonderful hug that refused to end. The "cortina", a musical interlude that signals the end of a "tanda" (a group of songs in the same style), played, and Sergio and Nina slowly released each other.

Sergio didn't quite know what to think of that event. He enjoyed dancing with Nina, but she had also often refused to accept his invitation to dance with him, and at times had seemed aloof and detached. Sergio decided to go to the refreshments table to see if there was any wine left. The last bottle of wine was empty. "I can remedy that" she said with a smile, walked to the bench where she had left her dance bag and returned with a metal water bottle. She unscrewed the top and poured red wine into his paper cup.

So this woman had to have her own supply of wine at a milonga (the name of Argentine Tango events)?  He was pleased to be able to share the wine, but a red flag went off in his head. A couple of years earlier he had ended a relationship with a woman who had an alcohol problem and had had her license suspended for DUI. Did Nina have a problem too?

The milonga was about to end. They danced the last tanda and he asked her if she needed a ride home.  She gladly accepted the offer. He parked in front of her house and kissed her. She welcomed his kiss with enthusiasm that surprised him again, like the embrace that wouldn't end, and, just like the embrace, the kissing didn't seem to want to end. She asked if he would mind parking somewhere else for a a while, as people were walking by and eying them. He gladly obliged and, after searching around  a few blocks in the neighborhood, he found a spot tucked away in a dark area. They joked about "getting lost". There the kissing turned to passionate touching everywhere with their hands reaching wherever they could under each other's clothing. "Getting lost" became their special code for the heavy petting sessions they would engage in for several nights that followed, until she stopped, for a while.

Soon after the first few nights of "getting lost" , Nina had talked about Paul, the other man she had been seeing, and confessed feeling very confused by the situation. For the first time Sergio mentioned the possibility of managing relationships in non-conventional ways. "You don't have to make a choice" he told her, "as long as we all could accept the situation". He also mentioned his relationship with Julie, and how Julie would have been open to Nina and Sergio continuing their relationship. Nina was stunned and immediately professed to be a "one man woman" and certainly unable to tolerate any other relationship on Sergio's part.

Probably because of this revelation she stopped going out with Sergio and "getting lost" with him for a month, but they still danced, and her embrace was as close as ever. One night while they were leaving a milonga, and she was on her way out to meet Paul who was waiting outside, she turned to Sergio and told him "Why don't you come with me to Istanbul!". Sergio looked at her eyes for signs of teasing. She was serious. He didn't say a word.

Two weeks later Paul decided to leave their relationship, claiming to be "scared" by it, and Nina started "getting lost" again with Sergio. He complained teasingly about being "second choice" but her passion overwhelmed him.

Sergio now had to solve the dilemma of his relationship with Julie who would have accepted some agreement that included Nina, while Nina demanded exclusivity. The principles and poly ideas he had professed were put to a real test for the first time, but his heart was with Nina and he couldn't bear the thought of losing her. He was able to obtain an important concession from Nina: he would have a month to end his relationship with Julie, but Sergio could maintain his ties to the poly community and she would take part in poly events if she felt comfortable enough.

This was at the same time the end of a phase in Sergio's poly life and the start of a long trek back to it.

The first night Nina and Sergio made love happened after a Karaoke evening. He had a reasonably good voice and liked to sing Jazz classics. That night he had crooned "Embraceable you" looking at her from the stage of "The Mint" a popular San Francisco karaoke locale in the Castro district.
She was touched. Later they got into the car and he asked "where to?" expecting the usual "home" or "can we get lost", their "code" about making out. This night she said "wherever"... He  looked at her to make sure he had understood the "new" direction. She was strangely quiet. He drove off towards the freeway and towards his house. She did not protest.

At his house they quickly dimmed the living room lights and embraced on the couch. They were naked in a short time and he reached for a condom from a pocket in his jacket. She protested that she didn't want him to use it. He was stunned for a moment but then he put it on anyhow. They made love very intensely, with her screaming f****k every few seconds. He finally came from behind her with his usual "cave man" grunts.

He had been bothered by her request not to use a condom. He wasn't too worried about AIDS because of her history of mostly monogamy, but he new that she had been sexually active lately, and certainly with Paul, so he had planned for both to be tested for STD before having unprotected sex.  They didn't, and that was the only time he ever used protection with Nina. She did have an IUD and felt safe from pregnancy, but Sergio never understood how she could be so careless about the possibility of STD, nevertheless he was taken in by her passion and amazing drive, and he let his worries fade away in time. With Nina he was having the best sex he had in many years.